Even though it is the end of the year, we have taken on going through some conflict resolution workshop with our students. In some ways, it is a pilot for next years advisory. We started from the basic which is attaching words to our feelings to better express them. In order to facilitate that we provided students with a feeling wheel so that they could go beyond saying that they feel angry, sad, happy, and so on.
Goal: Let’s get specific when we identify feelings and emotions.
Students “feel”, but as middle school students it’s hard to have the right words – I mean we struggle as adults to express ourselves…
And because I love gifs, this happened.
I showed each gif. Students shared what emotion the gif expressed.
I kept repeating we must be specific!!
Kerry Washington’s disgust and irritation wasn’t hard to pick up.
Neither was NPH’s anger, but I wanted students to delve deeper.
We ended the session with students writing down specific ways they have felt and what made them feel this way on the vertical boards around the room. A few examples of what students wrote:
I feel frustrated when other students get the whole class in trouble (There were a lot along the lines of this).
I feel irritated when teachers get upset at me for being joyful.
I feel joyful when I spend time with my friends/family.
This was only session one. On to session #2 tomorrow when we discuss TRIGGERS. Fun.
It’s hard to stay emotionally constant, especially with middle school students, though I try really hard to do so. My student (we’ll call her Kay) is an emotional child, who struggles to trust adults, but we generally have a semi-descenti-ish relationship. Today, I engaged. I overreacted because it’s tiring to be an emotional punching bag for 12 year olds. It wasn’t my best performance and I could have handled it so much better.
My students were working on some practice problems that they needed blank scantrons for. I asked multiple times if anyone else needed one. I gave a bubble sheet to anyone who raised their hand. Made it clear I would only address silent hands. I walked around and assisted students and reminded others to get back on track. One of my students called out my name. I gestured raising my hand to let her know why I wasn’t walking over to her. She didn’t call me over again.
This episode took about 3-4 minutes towards the end of class. At the end of the period, I had students collect the work and a student (let’s call her Kay) grumbled and mumbled under her breath. “Can’t finish my work because no one gave me a scantron.” I went over to her desk with a scantron and put it on her desk…and she responded with a tone.
-Kay: “I got one cuz I had to get one myself from the back.”
-Me: (somewhat passive aggressively): I’m sorry you didn’t hear me TWICE when I asked who needs one and sorry you weren’t paying attention to raise your hand when you needed it, but your tone is completely out of line and uncalled for.
-Kay: I was calling you over and well you didn’t listen.
-Me: Again, not really appreciating how you’re speaking to me, especially considering I asked anyone who didn’t have one to raise their hand. (While she’s still talking over me.)
I don’t know why I kept bringing that up…it’s silly. I’m pretty sure she didn’t hear me and wasn’t paying attention, but reflecting back, not really worth holding over her head at this point. She needed a scantron and was pissed that I didn’t give one to her when she called out to get one. Understanding that she can get very emotional over stuff like this, it would have been so much easier on my sanity to let her huff and puff under her breath at her seat and then checking in with her towards the end of the day…but no. I engaged, because I’m human and have feelings.
-Me: I’m no longer having this back and forth with you. You’ve always been honest with me about feeling disrespected by your teachers and now I’m feeling that from you. We need to spend some time together, I’ll see you in detention…
I walk away…
-Kay: These teachers always …something, something, something <yelling at me from across the room…
-Me: and now you’re yelling right at me…we’re done. We’ll talk later.
-Kay: <still yelling across the room> Because you walked away while I was still talking to you…
I gathered my things and walk over to my next class. Half way through the period, I see her at my door and she asks to speak to me. My current class was working independently, so I agree to speak to her while standing at the door.
-Kay: Sorry about my reaction. I didn’t really mean to offend you. I didn’t hear you earlier.
-Me: I really appreciate that, but can we agree that you over reacted to not having a scantron?
-Kay: Yes. I overreacted.
-Me: I did too…our back and forth wasn’t really helpful or necessary. We still need to spend some time together so this doesn’t mean you’re off the hook for detention, but since we both overreacted we might need some space to to cool off before we talk about this. So how about we talk at lunch tomorrow instead of during after school detention?